Virtual-Doug

Re-Entry

Call it a “camp retreat” – the kind of get-together where people sit around the campfire and sing.  In a way, that’s what the Mystery Guest Blogger and I did last weekend.

There was a purpose, however.  It was a meeting to equip those of us who had just returned from teaching in Asia with the tools needed to readjust back into our own society.

To which the Gentle Reader is saying “Are you nuts?  What’s there to readjust to?  This is America, the best and richest country in the world.  Yer gonna tell me you miss Việt Nam?”

In a word, yes.

Some examples:  I rode a 100cc Honda motorbike during the past nine months.  I filled it up for 30,000 to 40,000 Vietnamese đông (between $1.80 and $2.50) every two weeks.  It is a bit exasperating for the newly returned to see that the idiot driving a Hummer doesn’t seem to understand he is part of the cause of gas being so expensive.

In this picture,  the MGB and I are both wearing ponchos.  Rainy weather?  Put a poncho on, and expect your feet to get wet.  Get back home to America and watch as people almost drive into the Wal-Mart to avoid getting wet – as if they might shrink.

I also left friends in Việt Nam. Good friends.  It was kinda kewl when Tuân came over and asked the MGB (he called her Mom) for some hot chocolate.  I miss running around the countryside with my friend Mr. Cu, the photographer. I miss my students.

Okay okay – I’ll stop whining.

But, things changed while we were gone.  When we left, our church met in a store front – now it has its own building.  (Yes – we saw it last summer.)  New people have moved in, and some have left.  A friend’s business closed.  My mother has memory loss.

And with all the change, we have nobody to talk to. That’s right – nobody to talk to about what we did for 1 ½ years.  People don’t ask because they don’t know enough about what we did or about living in another culture to ask a question.  So once the conversation starts with a perfunctory “How was Việt Nam?”, the topic soon reverts to the scores of last week’s football game or the latest baby in church.

Think about it – if you’re a man, would you talk to a woman about giving birth?  You have no idea what to ask or say, so men don’t talk to women about giving birth.  With no commonality, folks just don’t get into a conversation about our time in Việt Nam.

So we don’t talk about it.  At least that was the response until last weekend when we learned we need to be proactive.  We won’t keep it all inside.

We’re home – happy to be home – and we are going to share our experiences.

To my many veteran friends:  You may be surprised to know that the MGB and I found much of our experience not unlike coming back 36 years ago.  (For those of you who don’t know, we met in Việt Nam in 1969 – she was a nurse and I was a grunt.)  No – we weren’t in combat this time, but the same inability to talk about our experiences, and the sense of leaving behind the folks you deeply care about are very similar.

The Automobile and America

I became fascinated with America’s need of the automobile this summer.  I always knew we were addicted to the automobile, but I never really realized how much until I lived in Việt Nam for awhile.

Many foreigners are amazed at the size of our stores – and the variety of goods that are inside those stores.  But, there are only a few of these stores.  In Hué, every block has at least one little “Mom and Pop” store.  Its is easy to walk to, and if you can’t find what you need, there is another store very nearby.  Just outside the gate of our campus in Hué are three little stores – each doing quite well, thank you.  Americans trade off availability in order to have a large number of choices of items to buy.

Of course, there being fewer stores, a person needs an automobile to get to the store.  Americans don’t go to the market on a daily basis – they go only a few times per month because they have the ability to store food at home.  Few Vietnamese have refrigerators or large pantries – so they shop every day.  The little Vietnamese neighborhood stores would be impossible in America because we enact zoning laws to keep businesses out of our residential neighborhoods.  Zoning also is a de facto means of forcing our reliance on the auto.

The result?  Lots and lots of cars - - and because of the way our society is set up, we really do need an automobile.  The little motorbikes of Việt Nam would be run over in no time by the fast moving and larger automobiles.

So what happens to all these autos?

They die.

Goin’ Home

In less than a week, we’ll be heading back home.  Yes, home is Hué, Việt Nam.  It will be home until June, 2006.  I know our home here in America is where we have family and friends, but we also have friends in Việt Nam we are looking forward to seeing again.  Much has happened this summer that is positive and good – much awaits us in Việt Nam that is positive and good.

Some things were unexpected.  Our dance card stayed full all during the past two months as we were treated to dinner by many friends, and had many others over to our home.  We visited and chatted and worked.  We laughingly called the three weeks of driving and flying to visit family was “World Tour ‘05”.   I even got roped into doing Vacation Bible School – and loved it.

I look forward to going back on “Việt Nam Time.” No, I don’t mean the time zone per se.  I mean rather that the Vietnamese don’t put the emphasis on time we do in the West.  It didn’t take me long to get back in the American habit of looking at my watch constantly to be sure I was on schedule.  I like the Vietnamese way better.

As the expression goes, our life in Hué will be same-same, only different.  We’ll still be teaching at the same school, and we’ll be reunited with our teaching teammate, and we’ll be seeing our students, fellow teachers, and friends again.  But, we will not live in that tiny room again.  We’ll live in a hotel while we find a comfortable apartment or small house we can call home.  The Mystery Guest Blogger needs to nest, and we need some space to entertain guests and work with students.  Faculty members have no office space in Việt Nam, so any one-on-one work with students has to be done at home.

However, we will miss seeing some of our western friends as they will be going home themselves just as we return to Hué.  We’ll see them soon enough in the spring.  We also know that most likely, we will be the only Americans in Hué during the Christmas holidays.

Thanks to our families and friends for the love you showed us this summer.  Be sure to keep doing that – lift us up as often as you think of us.

Special Request for Vietnamese Readers

In the "It's Just the Way We Do Things" post directly below, Margaret makes some great comments about northern and southern Vietnamese.  I would love to have some of my Vietnamese readers, from both sides of the Pacific Ocean, comment on Margaret's comment.

It’s Just the Way We Do Things

Prior to leaving for Việt Nam last autumn, I read every book about Vietnamese culture I could get my hands on.  I learned that when one is invited to dinner in the northern areas of Việt Nam, it is polite to be exquisitely thankful, but nonetheless decline.  However, in the south, it is perfectly okay to accept.  The book said that the north has never been as agriculturally productive as the south, and food used to be hard to come by, and the unspoken social requirement was to decline the invitation to a meal even though there is plenty of food today.  I muttered something to myself about the difficulty of remembering all that.  Fortunately, we had only one invitation to eat at someone else’s home in Hué last spring, and I knew her invitation was sincere.  (Thanx, Oanh.  Only the conversation was better than the food.)

Today, I was listening to C going through our peculiar, yet similar, American protocol.  We’ve had numerous invitations for dinner this summer, so C is quite knowledgeable  with the customs.  The phone conversation goes something like this:

“Oh, hi, Becky!  It sure was good to see you Sunday at church.”

Unintelligible voice over the phone.

“We’d love to join you for dinner on Tuesday night.”  (Now comes the important part.)  “What can I bring?”

Now, C knows darn well the hostess is going to say something like “Oh, just bring yourselves and your appetite” or “Not a thing – I’ve got everything we need”  or “Thanx, C, but we’re just so delighted to have you over that I don’t want you to bring a thing.”

But - - the ritual is  not over, and C knows it.  You see, it is not enough to offer to  bring something once – you have to sound insistent.  So after another short bit of conversation, C says”  “Now, Becky– are you sure I can’t bring something?  How about a salad or dessert.”  Of course, the expected response is “Goodness no, Cindy.  I’m just fine.  We’ll see you Tuesday night.”

And I thought Vietnamese social relationships were complex.

Where We Live

Americans, it seems, love their privacy and their space.  You can tell by looking at the homes they live in.  Most Americans live with their immediate families, and each nuclear family wants to live by itself.  Aunts and uncles, grandmas and grandpas, adult brothers and sisters each live in their own homes – not with each other.  In American homes, no more than two generations live together – certainly not three or four generations as is common in Việt Nam.

And each of these families like their space.  The average  family has 3.14 people, and the average size of each house is a bit over 2,000 square feet. (about 710 square meters).  Of course that means that for the most part each person living in an American house has 637 square feet  (203 square meters).  In most homes, children older than 10 have their own bedroom – sooner if they are the only child of either gender.

The variety of homes is astounding, but most Americans like the idea of living in one’s own house sitting on a small plot of land.  This home is occupied by one person – a woman whose children are grown and gone.  Note there is an attachment to the house (called a garage) designed to park and protect two automobiles.  This is not a particularly expensive home – most Americans would describe it as “typical middle class.”  (Remember to click on the photos to see a larger version.)

Other Americans live in smaller homes like this, but note that it still sits on its own land.  There is space between this house and the next house – houses are not built touching each other as they are in Việt Nam. Though less expensive, and in a neighborhood described as a “typical working class neighborhood”, it still has a garage, though it is not attached to the house.  An elderly woman lives alone in this home.  She does not want to live with any of her four children as she does not want to be a burden to them.  Americans love their independence well into their old age.

What do Americans do with that small plot of land their house sits on?  Besides spending a lot of time growing and cutting the grass, families use it for play.  This family set up a small pool on a hot summer day.  Mother and father laugh and play with their children – and enjoy the side yard of their home.

The American ideal is to own a home in the suburbs – the outlying part of a city or town.  Of course, not everyone lives in the suburbs.  Many people live in rural areas, and of those many live on the farms they own.  The farm houses tend to be huge and isolated.  To be with other people, farmers need an automobile to drive to town – they don’t live in the villages as the Vietnamese do.

If families live in a city, they live a style more familiar in Việt Nam.  Many families will live in the same building, but each family with its own apartment.  The buildings come in two styles.  The high rise building contains many smaller units of bedrooms, living rooms, and kitchens for each family.  If the units are rented, they are called apartments.  If the family owns the unit, it is called a condominium (or condo).  In this picture, note that there is a large area for automobiles.  High rise buildings in older large cities such as New York and Chicago probably would not have parking lots for automobiles, but most Americans are very dependent on the automobile.

Apartments and condos can also be found that are a blend of the high rise and the typical; suburban home.  Remember – Americans really want that little bit of land, so many live in apartment buildings surrounded by green grass.  This type of apartment can be found in both the inner city and the suburbs.

Not everyone owns their own home, but 69% of families own the house they live in.  Poor people cannot afford to buy their own home, so they rent one.  For the very poor, that may mean a run-down house in poor condition.  But note two things in this picture:  the house sits on its own little piece of land, and there is an automobile parked out front.

Again, I caution my  Vietnamese readers not to think these are “typical” American homes.  Poor people in Chicago may live in high rise slum buildings, and I have not shown a house belonging to the rich.  Nice houses in California look different from homes in Massachusetts.  These pictures were taken in Ohio, Florida, Texas, and Colorado.  They’re all different.

But, they are American houses – and Americans like lots of their own space.

Catching Up

Oh, my goodness.  It really has been a long time since I posted.  Sorry ‘bout that.

I describe our travel to see family as “World Tour ’05.”  Of course, it’s always wonderful to see everyone, and catch up with happenings.  Its also wonderful to be home and have the travel behind us.  For students in Việt Nam, you have an assignment:  Get out your map of America and find the following places.
•    Elyria, Ohio
•    Columbus, Ohio
•    Huntsville, Alabama
•    Orlando, Florida
•    Port St. Lucie, Florida  (remember that “St.” is the abbreviation for “Saint”)
•    Littleton, Colorado

And that’s all the places we’ve traveled to in the past three weeks.

I’ve also had a chance to catch up on my reading – and have updated my “Recent Reads” list.  (Left side of the screen.)  For veterans, I highly recommend David Lamb’s “Việt Nam Now:  A Reporter Returns.”  He was in Việt Nam during the American war, but returned in 1997 to set up the first news bureau in Hà Nội.  It will give you an excellent insight into what Việt Nam is like today, with some excellent comparisons to the situation thirty five years ago. 

I promise some decent posts soon, but we have a lot to do before we get on a plane to return to our hometown of Hué on August 18th.

The Interstate Highway

America is a huge country –  3,000 miles (4,827 kilometers) across the country from the east coast to the west coast.  America is crossed by a complex system of highways which enables Americans to drive just about anywhere they wish to go.  And these are special highways – they are always at least four lanes wide with a dividing median between the sets of lanes.  Most other roads do not connect with the Interstate highways because they are constructed as “limited access” highways.  To get on an Interstate highway, there is an entrance lane that allows you to accelerate to the speed of the highway traffic.

In the countryside, the highways look like this –  notice the wide median (the grassy divider between lanes).  The Interstates are built for speed – trucks and automobiles travel at 70 miles per hour (113 kilometers per hour).  The motorbike that is so common in Việt Nam is unheard of in America, and only large motorcycles are allowed on Interstate highways.

In the city, the Interstate highway takes on a different persona – they get bigger, and are built almost in layers.  While still built for high speed travel, they often get clogged with too many cars, though you would not know it by this picture.  If I took a picture at this same spot at 8:00 AM, my car would be stopped in the traffic of too many other cars trying to be on the roadway at the same time.

All those vehicles require fuel  - and almost every exit off the Interstate highway has at least one place to refuel.  (Remember – not all roads connect to an Interstate road)  Because all those vehicles have drivers who get hungry, almost every exit also has places to eat. This place combines a restaurant with a gasoline station.

America’s lifeblood is carried by the Interstate highway system.  Families use it to drive their automobiles on vacations and to visit families and friends.  Business uses the Interstate system too.  Huge amounts of goods and merchandise are transported around the country on the big trucks known as “18 wheelers.”  They are also named “tractor-trailers” because the front part of the truck is the engine and drive wheels designed to tow a trailer behind.  There are large trucks in Việt Nam, but nothing like these behemoths.

The Interstate highway system is another manifestation of America’s culture of the automobile.

American Family Reunions

Families are nuclear in America.  That simply means that we count “family” as being only the parents and kids.  Seldom do more than two generations live under the same roof.  Mom and Dad and the kids live in the same house, but once the kids are gone, Mom and Dad live by themselves.  It is quite rare for adult children to live with their parents.  It is almost unheard of to have three or four generations in the same house.   Americans have an extraordinary drive to be independent and self-supporting regardless of their age.  The mantra for most older people is that they don’t “want to be a burden to the children.”  Americans live by themselves as long as they can – quite contrary to the Vietnamese way of all generations living together.

But lets understand something – not living with them does not mean Americans do not love their parents.  Of course they do. It just means they have to work harder to keep family bonds strong.  That’s what we are doing now – traveling 4,335 miles (6,975 kilometers) to see parents and family.

I got this email from one of my students:  “Could you describe for me how a visit to parents in your culture would be please? In VN old children from far away to their parents, they are the guest of a fancy party. And people eat very slowly but in cheer. The children also bring their parents some medicals that are good for their health. Or bring some good food . . . “

Okay, Trang – here goes.

The Mystery Guest Blogger’s mother is a new widow and recently turned 80 years old.  Of her children, MGB lives the furthest away (Hué is on the other side of the world), but one son lives in northern Idaho and another lives in Texas.  Only one of her children lives close by – two houses away.

So, when the family gets together, it is a big deal.  There is no formal ceremony or activity, but a visit from far-off children usually means staying up late at night talking, preparing and eating big meals, and getting together with other extended family members in the area.

In celebration of being 80, MGB’s mother had a birthday cake made in her honor.  It’s an American custom to have a birthday cake with small candles on top of the cake that must be blown out with one breath – one candle for each birthday.  Eighty candles was a bit much, so the family decided on three small candles seen in the glass candle holders on the table.  Of course, we all had to sing “Happy Birthday” to her.

A few days later,  the extended family got together at one the children’s homes.  There were a lot more people there:  aunts, uncles, cousins, grandfathers, small children, sons-in-laws – a total of three generations.   Once again, food was central to the event as evidenced by all the fare on the kitchen counter.  The old folks talked about the old days, and the children played with the dogs.  The two principal activities were eating and talking.

Trang – I’m not so sure there is a lot of difference between Việt Nam and America.  Though the generations do not live together in America, family is important.  There may be less of a need for family reunions in Việt Nam, simply because families stay together more, but when separated children come together, both the Vietnamese and Americans love to eat (and eat with cheer, I might add), and catch up with what is going on in each others lives.

People aren’t really so different, are they?

America Through a Different Lens

Note:  I have created a new category.  “Back in the US of A” will be postings written this summer while back home in the United States.  I will spare you the details of family visits.  Instead, I will try to be an observer of the American culture in much the same way I do while in Việt Nam.  It will be hard to do – one’s culture is so familiar it is often difficult to recognize.  But, I’ll give it a whirl and we’ll see what happens.

For my Vietnamese readers (and hopefully, my students), remember there is no such thing as a typical American, nor is there a typical American city or town.  I live in deep south Texas – very close to the Mexican border.  Most of the people living here (about 85%) speak Spanish as their native tongue.  This area is quite different from the area around Cleveland, Ohio – which is quite different from Orlando, Florida – which is quite different from Denver, Colorado.  The vast majority of Vietnamese are Kinh – ethnic Vietnamese.  Though there are 54 other ethnic groups, they only make up about 15% of the population, and few minority people live in and around the Kinh.  America is quite the opposite.  An Asian person may work with a Black person, and live next door to someone who speaks French, who is married to a Mexican.  America is a mish-mash of diversity.

Take whatever I write with a grain of salt.  Do not think I am describing such a thing as a typical American.  It doesn’t exist.

(Grain of salt? For my students, that is an American idiom.  Look it up.)

America is a land of automobiles.  Even poor people drive automobiles. (They buy older used cars that are less expensive than new cars.)   The other day, the Mystery Guest Blogger and I were stopped at the traffic light at 23rd Street and Nolana in McAllen, Texas.  I commented that during that short time period, we probably saw more automobiles than we would see in an entire day in Hué.

Notice in this photo that the streets are very wide. This is the intersection of two five lane roads (middle lane is for turning). Even in the big cities, such as New York or Los Angeles, the major streets are wide and capable of handling a lot of automobile traffic.  McAllen is a small city of 150,000  Most of the automobiles have just one person in them.  That’s because many families have two automobiles.  (Be sure to click on the photo to see a larger version.)

(I suspect my friends living in New York City will scoff at the previous paragraph, and proudly tell me they don’t own a car – and don’t want to.  But remember, Gentle Reader – there is no such thing as a “typical American.”)

Just about everything is geared towards the automobile.  In Việt Nam, there is a little “mom and pop” store on every street and neighborhood.  You can purchase the necessities at these little stores – soap, an ice cream cone, cigarettes, or whatever.  If you need food, there are markets aplenty, and all within walking or bicycle distance.

Not in America.  Many people marvel at the huge stores of America.  True enough, you can walk into many of the big stores and buy anything from chicken to chairs to canned fruit to a hair dryer.  Such stores cover as much space as the Dong Ba market in Hué, but there are no stalls for individual vendors – everything is run by one company, and the huge building is air conditioned.  The downside of these stores is that there are fewer of them.  You cannot walk from your home to one of these stores – you must drive your automobile.

All these automobiles must stop somewhere.  By local law, these huge stores must provide space to park all those automobiles.  The result:  most Americans have a garage that holds two cars, and there are parking lots that are large enough to park hundreds of automobiles.

Back in 2003, I wrote a note from Saigon in which I said you cannot understand Việt Nam without understanding the motorbike.  One simply cannot understand America without understanding it revolves around the automobile.  Americans are fiercely independent – they don’t want anyone to tell them what to do, and if that means each of them must have his/her own automobile – so be it.