Virtual-Doug

An Alzheimer’s Christmas

Last year, Mom lived in her own little house.  She felt independent that way, though we turned off the gas on the stove for her safety.  She could go for her walks every day, eat breakfast by herself, then I would pick her up for the evening meal.  She stayed well fed that way – both physically and socially.

Her memory was still keen enough to remember Christmas past.  She decorated her little house as best she could, which was actually quite nice.  She surrounded herself with warm and comfortable memories.  Nonetheless, she seemed to know deep inside that something wasn’t right – there were so many things she couldn’t do anymore, and so many names no longer came to mind.  But it was a good Christmas last year – a good Christmas.

(As always, if you click on each photo, you will see a full sized version of it.)

This year is different.  Mom now lives in a nursing home.  After falling and breaking her hip in January, she recovered physically, but mentally, it was a downhill year.  Of course, that is the norm with Alzheimer’s patients.  They never get better.  The nursing home is a nice place with a very caring staff. As you would expect in a Christian home, there was a Christmas tree, a crèche and all the other signs of the year.  As Mom and I sat next to the tree in the lobby one day, she leaned over to touch a tree ornament.  There was a connection of some kind as she touched that ornament, but the memories had faded too much.

On Christmas Day, I made my usual visit.  On the advice of a photographer who saw my pictures in an online forum, I told Mom the Christmas story, just as she told me when I was a child.  I wanted her to know there is a God who loves her. She smiled.

Then she opened some presents sent by my siblings, all of whom live out of state.  Though I had to explain who the people were who sent them to her, once I used the words “your children”, she smiled and she knew.  I teased her for tearing the paper – as a kid, I was always lectured to ensure I saved the wrapping paper for later use.  When her gifts lay next to her, she asked me for some paper and a pen.  I found some, gave them to her and wondered what she was going to do.

She laboriously began to write.  Something inside told her she should write thank you notes.  I had to remind her Karen began with a “K”, and she tried valiantly to write more than the scribbles she put on paper.  She, of the school teacher hand writing, could not write a single word.

But we soon went out to the lobby to sit, talk, and laugh together.  As I sang “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, she tried to sing along with me.  She knew some of the words, but the part she loved the most was something I added at the end of the song.   “ . . .you’ll go down in history. Dunh dunh.”

She laughed trying to sing the “dunh dunh” I added, but her frail voice couldn’t go as low as mine.

Laughter made it a good Christmas after all.

Merry Christ Mass

(It’s a record – a record I am not crazy about.  This is easily the longest period of time of not writing s since I began blogging back in June, 2003.  In 4 ½ years, I have never gone this long between posts.  Even while living in Việt Nam, I usually posted twice each week.

The Gentle Reader may ask “Why haven’t you blogged lately, Doug?”, though most likely Gentle Reader doesn’t really care.  But, since its my blog, I’ll answer the rhetorical question anyway.

When the Mystery Guest Blogger and I got back from Việt Nam in November, I went to work part-time for a newspaper.  It’s the same paper where I’ve been freelancing, but now I’m also working in the production of the paper and a seasonal publication called The Winter Texas Times.  Since it takes me about 5 hours to shoot and process the photographs of a sports event, and I do two or three of those each week, plus I work 15-20 hours each week, as well as  visiting my mother almost every day, the days are busy.  Of course, I used to work 40 hours (or more) a week, and have time for hobbies and writing, but that was before I started getting Social Security.

So - - there are my excuses and I am sticking with them.)

Every one likes to talk and write about the spirit of giving during the Christmas season.  Like most other newspapers, mine has been running stories along those lines. I think it’s a good thing – I just wish the same feeling pervaded during the rest of the year.  I guess we feel that way, eh?

There was one family whose mobile home burned down in November.  A nearby Catholic church found out about it.  The youth director of  the church called on some folks who work in the construction industry – the same folks who work with teenagers during the summer on The Mission Service Project to help seniors and poor folks fix up their houses.  The photo ran in the paper along with a plea that folks chip in with some construction materials.  I’ve been thinking that I need to go back out to the site and see how the new house is coming along.

(As always, be sure to click on each photo – you’ll see a full sized version if you do.)

I enjoyed the Lighting of the Christmas Tree for the City of Mission.  It really was a family affair – lots of kids.  Santa was there, but every time I tried to get a shot of him with the kids, the Mayor put himself in the scene too – and I just didn’t want a politician in my Christmas pix.  But – I came up on this by accident.  I was walking around, watching the kids with candy and new toys when I saw a little girl break away from her Mom.  Nobody told her to do this – she just did it.  This kid knows what Christmas is about, eh?

Today, I went out with a group of folks from the local Lions Club.  Yeah – they had fun.  They joked as much as they worked, but work they did.  I followed two of them around as they went to drop off groceries to families in need.  This Mom’s husband used to bring home the bacon, but is disabled now.  She has her hands full with little ones, so three bags of food were much appreciated.

So – how’s your Christmas going?

The Muse is Silent

The muse has gone silent.

Each week, I write The Mommy Report – an email to close friends and family about my mother and her Alzheimer’s disease.  I usually write it based on some hand-scratched notes I’ve taken when I visit Mom in the nursing home during the week.  But now I’m find my little spiral notepad is empty.  There isn’t much to write about every week.

The muse doesn’t like it when there isn’t something new and stimulating each day.

As her disease progresses, Mom lapses further into confusion.  A few days ago, as I got ready to leave, she grabbed my arm and was very insistent that I take her with me – take her “home.”   That was a first – she had never gotten angry with me before for not taking her “home.”   I took the coward’s way out and found Mary (one of the wonderful nurses) who understood the predicament I was in and told Mom that she was not allowed to leave that day.  Mary baled me out – and smiled as she said “You want your mother to be mad at me, not you.”  I could only grin and realize Mary knew what it was about.

But each day is the same now – Mom and I wrestle for awhile.  She loves to wrestle as it offers physical touch.  She also complains that somebody is supposed to come and take her home, or some minor variation of her need to go home.  We sit on the sofa in the lobby.  On a nice day, we sit outside for awhile.  On Thursday, I took her for a ride in the car, but she got bored and started to swat my leg trying to get me to wrestle with her.

I have no doubt she is deeply confused inside.  I also have no doubt that her cognitive function is not as badly damaged as her ability to express herself in words.  In other words, she knows something but can’t express it.  I can only assume that is very frightening to her.

It sure would frighten me.

In Mom’s mind, time is irrelevant.  In my mind, all the visits are the same.  If you ask why I still go every day, its simply because I know her emotions are still there.  When she says she wants to go home, she doesn’t mean a place – she wants the warmth of family and friends memories.  If I can provide her with a connectedness to her emotions, then I shall continue to go see her.  Its more than filial duty – it is because she deserves whatever gifts I can provide.

As long as she can still smile at me, I’ll go see her.  As long as time exists, she will be my Mom.

The Kind is Dead; Long Live the King

No doubt about it – high school football is king in Texas.  In some parts of the state, football transcends sports and has become religion. 

I cover four high schools for my little newspaper.  One team made it into the third round of the playoffs, but they had to play a team that has been state champion six times.  I made the 3 hour drive to Laredo to shoot the game - the Coyotes got beat, 34-16, but it was a well played game.  Best for me was that it was played in the daytime.  Whoopee!  I got some shots I could not have gotten at night.  It was worth the long drive.

(As always, be sure to click on each photo.  You will see a full size picture that way.)

But, no more of that.  Football is over, so now on to basketball.  Time for a new king.  And that’s a good thing for me – I love basketball, but I’ll never get to shoot an outdoor game.  I have to shoot in high school gyms, some of which are so poorly lit I call them “dimnasiums.”

I think some of these players used to be are football players – things get kinda rough out there at times.  And the foul counts show it.  In every game I have worked so far, both teams went over ten fouls in a half.  But, nobody has been hurt (yet), and it sure is fun to watch.

And yes – I’ll be shooting some of the girls games too.  I guess that means “Long live the Queen”, eh?