Touch

Its simply one of those things we know to be true.  Infants and toddlers want to be touched.  We call it “bonding”. Its one of the things children need.  They need the tactile sensation of a parent’s touch.  Watch  kids snuggle up to Mom sometime – they want to be touched

Alzheimer’s has been described as childhood in reverse.  The victims are often childlike, but they do not “grow out of stages” as kids do.  Like children, they want to be touched.

I’ve written about my tussling with Mom.  I make time each day to just act like a kid and rough-house a little with her.  It produces gales of laughter.  If I don’t start jabbing or poking or swatting, she will often do it.  As the disease progresses, I have noticed she just wants to be touched.

During most of my visits, we merely hold hands.  In the absence of sparkling conversation, she merely wants to assurance of being touched.  However – there is still a little bit of devilishness in her – this prim hand holding may soon turn into a sharp elbow in my ribs or a swat on my leg.

(Be sure to click on each photo to see a larger version.)

I didn’t pose this photo – as she does on many occasions, she just put her head on my shoulder.  I fussed to get my camera out, but she didn’t mind and kept her head there.  The expression on her face says it all – she is content when she is being touched.

And I know why she needs the reassurance.  There is a gap between what she can say and what goes on in her mind.  She frequently asks – even demands - to “go home”, and though she is no longer capable of defining home or knowing where home is located, she does know that at one time she had friends who visited and a place where everything was comfortable and warm.  I see her like this often – gazing into the distance knowing something is wrong, yet lacking the words to describe her feelings any longer.

So she wants to be touched.

Comments

[Tim]

that was real touching doug - pun intended
i liked the photo of you with mum on your shoulder - looked real nice
im glad you are recording this - i think you will enjoy looking back on these times later
Regards
Tim

[J. Bradford]

You're a talented man, but so was Hemingway. So obviously, of more import is the fact that you are, indeed, a good man as well.

[Sam]

Not only a talent, but Doug is also a wise man as well. You mentioned absolutely right about all of us needed human's touch, and the cycle of life - from new born to elderly, when their awareness started to fade or begin to gather knowledge. However, they all relied on others' feeling of love, especially transmitting that love through touching. The positive energy from love that transfered through human's touch doesn't required any translation or say anything. Just look at her face as she leaned on Doug's shoulder. Yes, it it is true that it's all 100% contentment and happiness. This was the reason that I requested my wife to stay home with my children until they're at least in Kindergarden, because during the first five years of their young lives, love from the mother's touching will assure them that they're worthy to be love, and with all the touching love they have, they'll go out and face the world with more confident and willing to share that love with others. Otherwise, I've seen many angry teenagers, who are willing destroyed their lives or easy to fall for someone, who exploited their yearning for the touch of love that they didn't have.
Nevertheless, the lack of touching or love from other human being will teach us one thing: there is no perfect and forever lasting love from human being, except from ONE: God. I hoped that whenever you mom "gazing into the distance", it would be the love of God that she was yearning for.

With peace & with love,
Sam

[Russ]

Wow! Let me clear my eyes first....Thanks.