This is the third of a four part series. Each is a lamentation and thanksgiving about the current stage of my life. Before reading this, read the preceding posts:
Introduction and Retirement
Caring for my Mother
Church
We attend a church that is a member of a main-line Protestant denomination that is dying. Though our local church is only eight years old, it seems to have lost the spark that it once had. Earlier in its history, it had a real feeling of excitement - of bringing the healing of Jesus to ordinary people, but the passion seems to have died. For the MGB and I, there is a tension – we have close friends there, yet we don’t feel we are being nourished. Rather than being spirit filling, much of the activity seems spirit-sapping.
And that is frustrating.
Should we leave? There is a definition that says insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results each time. The question for myself is whether I am just doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting my church to be more seeker-oriented and Spirit-filled. On the hand, do I jump in with both feet and ask God if He wants me to be a part of the turn-around?
I have been thinking about personality lately. I’ve known for years that I am introverted. Most people think otherwise because I am comfortable speaking to large groups and teaching. But the reality is that at the end of a long day, and when I need my batteries recharged, I need to be by myself. In a similar vein, I have never been a “committee man.” My mantra is that the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel was not painted by a committee. I have never been good within organizations – always a bit of a lone wolf.
So why am I trying to work within an organization? I recently “volunteered” to be a lay member of our church’s governing committee, and the first meeting was a disaster. There was much wrangling over words in the minutes – “he said she said” stuff. There certainly wasn’t any room for the Holy Spirit in that meeting. I was quite upset and spiritually very down. The next day, I was talking with a man about working in Việt Nam, and I felt lifted and renewed.
So – should I agree to put myself in a position where I am stressed and angry (church) in the hopes of helping do a turn-around, or do I do work that is lifting and focused (short term missions)? I had this same question in the post about retirement – could short term trips take the place of work and provide the intentionality I seem to need?
I don’t know the answer to the question – yet.
(Series to be continued)
