Reunion

As one gets older, one tends to look back.  Evidence of that is that many Americans like to go to reunions – gatherings of people you knew in the past.  The reunion might be of high school or college classmates.  In my case, I had a reunion last weekend with some of the men I served with during the war in Việt Nam.  Of course, this posting will be a bit strange for my Vietnamese friends.  They all know I was in the American Army, but I seldom write about it on this site.  Any regular reader knows of my love of the people and country of Việt Nam.  The reunion had nothing to do with Việt Nam per se, but rather with the war.

A poignant reminder of the cost of war was the “Empty Table.”  At our closing banquet, we set up a table, complete with dinner plate and chair, for those who died as soldiers doing their duty.  These 74 men from our company died before they got grey hair or became grandfathers.

I find it interesting that the man who organizes these reunions was drafted into the Army and eventually promoted to Sergeant.  There are many former and retired officers who attend the reunions, but we all take our “orders” from the draftee now.  I think that says something about the egalitarian nature of the American society.  And, we have fun with that.  Some of those former officers were “volunteered” to serve dessert to the men who served under them as enlisted men.  It was a great idea – and it came from the fertile mind of our organizer and his wife.  They put many long hours into these reunions.  Many.

But most of the time spent was in reminiscing – recalling the horrible things that happened, as well as the funny events.  A misconception of the Vietnam vet is that they “never talk about it.”  The reason they don’t talk about it is because nobody could understand it unless they too had been in combat.  It would be like accusing a mother of never talking with men about childbirth – men just wouldn’t be able to understand so why bother to discuss the topic with men.  But the reunion gave these former soldiers a chance to vent with other former soldiers who do understand – to recall the night they lost buddies in a mortar attack – to laugh over their own drunken antics while on R&R in Bangkok – to recall a bad helicopter assault – to remember guys who loved to walk point, carry the machinegun, or carry extra grenades – to recall how much we looked forward to mail from home – to remember heroes.  It was also a time for many of the wives to learn a little more about what makes their husbands tick.

I had the distinct honor of giving a presentation titled “Việt Nam:  A Country, Not a War.”  I was taken aback by the openness of the men.  Only one other person in attendance had been back to, but everyone enjoyed the pictures and comments about today’s Việt Nam.  It took an hour before I was able to finish answering all the questions.  Of course, I showed them a very very different Việt Nam from the one they saw a long time ago.

Back when I lived in Huê, I was often struck by the passion with which the people loved their country.  It was a healthy kind of love – one of pride and vision.  Our time at the reunion ended with everyone singing “Proud to be an American” as they held candles high.  These were men who had put their patriotism on the line – a passion the sheltered people they fought for will never understand.

As I stood there singing, I realized how much I love both my native America and my adopted Việt Nam – and so happy they are now at peace.

Comments

[Tom Murray]

Doug,

Great post.

As you know my students interviewed hundreds of veterans over five years as part of their efforts to publish oral histories each year as they studied the war. Many of the veterans we interviewed had not spoken about the war since their return home. Those who did speak about it did not speak to family or friends. They typically spoke in some professional capacity or not at all. It was not unusual for my students to be the first to hear them speak of their experiences. They spoke with emotion, but also as teachers, telling the students valuable lessons about their time as a soldier.

My mother came to my high school class one day and told my class that her father never talked about his service in WWI. Her brother did not talk about his service in WWII and I never talked about my time in Vietnam.

Veterans speaking to students is a powerful way to learn real lessons about war. A soldier never glorifies war like a movie might. War is horrible and people die, sometimes in large numbers. Students can learn so much from those who have faced this horrible experience and survived.

Last summer I had many opportunities to speak to those who fought for what we might have considered the enemy. I can honestly say that in spite of the need to use an interpreter there is nothing better than talking to those enemy soldeirs now, sharing stories and ending with a hand shake and a hug. The fact is now we are friends with similar experiences and big smiles.

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers, for he to-day that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother."
Shakespeare, Henry V, Act IV, Scene 3

[Son]

It's similar here, in Vietnam. People have veterans' organizations and they have reunion every year. I have nerver had a chance to be in any reunion like that to see how it is but I heard they did not use the reunion for recalling or remembering things in the war, except few minutes for the ceremonial. They were discussing how veterans' organization becomes more useful for society and what they should do to overcome what bequeathed by the war.
“Việt Nam: A Country, Not a War.”, I could guess it's a great presentation you did.

[James Machin]

Great Post.. you put into words what I was feeling..

[Russ]

From one vet to another, thank you and great post!

[Binh]

Although I'm not a Vietnam vet, I still a feel certain connection to this post--great post by the way. I was born in 1974 in Saigon while my father was stationed there. He was in the southern army fighting against the communists of course.

My father, too, does not discuss the Vietnam War nor his experience of serving in the war. I guess part of the reason is that we were separated for such a long time. I, along with my other siblings, escaped Vietnam in darkness and fear when I was about nine years old. My father eventually settled in the US in 2001, so there was a considerable gap in our relationship. But I have a good relationship with my father, hence, what you said about vets not sharing their experiences to outsiders makes a lot sense. It's probably because I wouldn't understand.

One other reason why some vets don't discuss their war experiences is because they simply can't. Some of them suffer from post-war traumatic syndrome, and in most cases this goes undetected. They repress this painful memory. It is very sad to see some of these vets end up in hospitals or mental institutions, or even worse, out in the streets with broken homes and broken marriages. Let us also remember them and pray for them for their sacrifices along with those who have died.

I guess at least one good thing that came from the Vietnam War (conflict or whatever you want to call it) is that I am an American citizen--enjoying all the rights and privileges like other Amcericans, observing certain duties and obligations, of course. This is not to say that I'm not a Vietnamese either. And so, my being in America can be both, a blessing and a curse. Without the war, I probably would be living in Vietnam now; for better or worse, I don't know. It is interesting to note that years ago, Vietnamese-Americans were considered as traitors. Now, I'm considered as a patriotic Viet Kieu just because I can bring money back to Vietnam. However, Viet Kieu continues to be treated with suspicion. I think it's all about the almighty dollar, but this is a whole different topic.

Indeed, Vietnam is a country, not a war. And who doesn't love his or her country? By country, I know that you are referring to the people, the culture, and the land, not the government. Although the Vietnamese people are genuinely "at peace," the communist government of Vietnam leaves much to be desired. I know that the people in Vietnam are proud of their country, but they cannot boast about the poverty, the educational system, the governmental corruption, and the restrictions or lack of freedom that exist in communist Vietnam today. Talking about freedom and democracy to people in Vietnam is like talking about a fish in water--it doesn't know what living on land or air is like because it never lived out there. You know this first hand, Doug. I'm just writing this comment for all other bloggers out there. (Note to bloggers: you need to "read between the line." Doug worked in Vietnam and probably will return there some day. What he writes in his blog can be used against him. So he has to be careful and not be too negative or critical of the communists.) People need to know the other side-the dark side-of Vietnam. I know politics can be a turn-off for some people, but it's too important an issue to be dismissed. I hope this was in your presentation "Viet Nam: A Country, Not a War."

I do appreciate what you said about how much the Vietnamese people love their country and how they speak proudly and passionately about it. They are genuinely happy and "at peace." Peace here is more than the just absence of war. There is something to be said about the collective spirit of the Vietnamese people. In spite of their tumultuous history, their physical/material poverty and other degradations, they remain positive and extremely positive. An evidence of this is the fact that Vietnamese smile a lot (except customs officers though). Many foreigners have noticed this as well, Doug, so it must be true.

And finally, my father will visit Washington D.C. for the first time next weekend. I plan to take him to the Vietnam War Memorial here in DC to honor those who fought for freedom and justice. Some are gone, but none forgotten.

Sorry for the long post this time.

[Jim Murtaugh]

Last summer,this old Marine,was asked to speak at a U.S.Army reunion in Boston.The subject was "Vietnam,a countrynot a war". As I entered my hotel room,Iheard sirens outside my window. Many police motorcycles were escorting some cars. An important personhad come to town. In the morning a newspaper was by my door. The headline was the leader of Vietnam hadcome to town to speak about modern day Vietnam across the river from my hotel. It is a small world! My talk went well.At firstthe group were hostile aboutthe idea of returning to Vietnam but after my emotionalwords and pictures they becamemore understanding.They shookmy hand and took my wife and Ion a tour of the city and to dinner. It was a great time! Jim Murtaugh

[Dan Brodt 1/7, 2/5, 5th SF SOG RVN 1967-1969 SSgt]

Doug,
Your poignant remarks do well to relay to the "outsider" what the combat veteran lived. On this Veteran's Day 2006, reflection for those who survived and those who gave their life for God(whatever denomination) and Country live on in immortality.
Well done!
Dan